Everyday Insanity and Delight

humble...

 

Looking at some of the moments I've witnessed this year is incredibly humbling. I'm a lucky lucky lady (lady *cough*) that I get to call this "work" Happy watching and thanks to all of my beautiful 2011 subjects xxxxx

another year draws to a close....(part one)

So I got a bit overwhelmed from Springtime onwards.  Some of it was due to the 2011/12 wedding season starting for me with work, some of it has been due to my "stuff" and it's incessant and constant management, much of it has been related to my little family and their insatiable need for my attention and just all the day to day stuff that we all seem to drown in from time to time.  Getting back to my blog is like an annoying little pecking chicken wanting to be attended to yet always being pushed to the bottom of the to-do list..

September in the Finlayson household was no exception with activities at school like Footy Colours Day -

I'm sure it's pretty easy to work out who my kids support, however I do NOT share their enthusiasm!

Then there was the arrival of my new nephew Rajeev to my youngest sister Liana and her husband Anand. 

 

I was VERY lucky to be the first to get to hold this adorable little bundle after his parents and oh I adore this little man. Here's a pic I took with his Mumma when he was 9 weeks old:

And...he has grown into the most delightfully grinny little bubba, who has undoubtedly wrapped anyone and everyone who crosses his path, completely around his teeny finger, including me, his Aunty Nickers!

October saw the start of my new wedding season and it's been busy busy busy and I could not be loving it more!  I've had the most gorgeous clients.  Here's a few images from the wedding of Jess to Grant including their adorable little daughters whom I was completely smitten with :)
It's SO hard to pick my faves as they were such a beautiful couple...

It was an amazing day in a most beautiful location.  This was in Toongabbie, just out of Traralgon.

I think this is a good start to catch up on my blog, will catch up more soon :D

 

 

 

Hello Spring!

Man!  I'm so glad it's Spring today!  I love Winter really but wow it's been LONG and so flippin cold!  I'm glad to see the longer daylight hours and my kids outside after school, it's ace!

Quick post today since I should be outside hanging washing and finishing off my client orders rather than sitting here before this afternoon's maternity shoot but firstly my husband Nathan had a birthday and he joked that he wanted a Totoro cake.  Of course I had to make him one.  A seriously rushed one and possibly a bit dodgy but here it is :)

Kids and husband were suitably impressed I think..

I've been making more hair goodies for my Madeit store and while it was down for a few days I found myself swiping bits out for me, like this one -

But there's still heaps left :)

Lots of headbands in stock but selling rather quickly!!

Righto off to do laundry and photograph a very pregnant belly.  Hope your first day of Spring is ace!

spunky subjects & another pie...

I really don't know how I have managed not to steal anyone's babies so far.   I mean really, I just adore them and every bubba I photograph makes me CLUCKY! 

I really loved it when my kids were babies.  They were so much hard work from one time to another but it's a really lovely time having a baby in the house and often I miss it.  There's something so amazing about new life and their lack of being able to talk back, their gratitude for even the tiniest gesture, and as a parent, you're made to feel like a hero rather than an idiot who knows nothing.  Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying the pre-teen phase in my household mostly but OH how I love babies!!

And how could I not when they are as adorable as this?  It would be completely understandable if I took her home right?  Of course....however...watching her beautiful Mum and Dad in the phase of new baby smitten-ness, I'm thinking no-one could love this baby more than they do...

  And I want to share this spunky family with you too.  This is actually a pre-wedding shoot for Mum and Dad but we couldn't leave out their adorable girls.  Aren't they going to be the cutest flowergirls ever?

I have a stack of different pregnant tummy shots to edit and another pre-wed session.  Bliss.

I also FINALLY opened my online store choosing Made It over a self-hosted store.

I registered the domain cherrymumma.com.au some time ago and have been mucking around building an online store but to be honest, this is all I need so I went with it and made heaps of sales on opening night last night.  Find my store at www.madeit.com.au/cherrymumma .  I'll be adding all sorts of bits and pieces as I create them.  I'm planning on more hair accessories and some sketch books, fabric jewellery and some homeswares using my artwork.  I've been selling these hair flowers and headbands at a hairdressing salon here recently and will also be at the Rosedale Maker's Market on October 23rd.  I can't help but make stuff, my hands don't enjoy being idle and while photography is my main passion, hours at the computer can drain me.

It's been a bit tricky to juggle everything of late as I've had Alex home for TWO WEEKS off school with a pesky ear infection.  I cannot believe the stubborn germs that we are all dealing with this Winter, grrr...

He's going back to school tomorrow no matter what.  I'm so stressed this time away may have affected his learning.  He's had around 40 days off this year with different illnesses.  Not only is it awful for his education but honestly, it's a pain for me too just quietly....

I'm still struggling on and off with my "stuff" day to day but still have an unwavering determination to beat it.  Still.  My shrink has set me a couple of daunting tasks to complete before our next session which I'm trying really hard not to dig my heels into the ground and avoid it like mad. Sucking it up and just gonna do it.  Yep really I am. Yep...

Pussycat pussycat where HAVE you been.....?

Well I've not been to London visiting any Queens I can tell you.  I've been wanting to pop back in here but the longer I was away, the larger the task seemed.  Anyway I'm at the point now where if I'm not going to blog, I may as well save myself the fees and delete it.  Silly thing is though, I love my blog and sharing stuff makes me accountable for what I say, whatever that is....

So the giveaway?  Hmm my fault for being so disorganised, no-one won coz I left it way too late to claim and ugh, it's just another thing I've neglected this year and I'm going to explain part of the reason why.  2011 has not been all kind to me but it hasn't all been bad. 

For example, I had the most amazing wedding season this year kicking off with this wedding here of course and following with these.  I could clog up the internet with images from these amazing, joy-filled and beautiful weddings but I have my Facebook page for that :) Instead here's an overview....

One of these gorgeous weddings was in Tasmania, in Launceston to be precise.  I met the couple on Facebook and amazingly they met on Facebook too and it was surreal yet spectacular to meet them in real life and shoot their wedding.  The bonus of this was that I got a trip to Tassie, and I'd never been there before :)

I missed my family but oh how lovely it was to be away.  Alone. :D

As well as weddings I was shooting babies, families, engagements, grandparents, you name it, I've been photographing it ;)

Around Easter though, I started feeling like things were getting on top of me, like I wasn't "right".  Only my work was keeping me joyful and normal, but I was also getting overwhelmed with the sheer enormity of my workload and lack of ability to concentrate.  I knew things weren't right especially when I wasn't keeping up with my Design Team committments to Aussie Scrap Source.  Despite my best intentions, I just lost the ability to scrap well and just couldn't pinpoint why so I resigned.

I assumed I was feeling so "off" because I was so busy.  I was actually incredibly distracted by nasty thoughts about myself and started losing my confidence in everything I did from scrapping, to photographing, parenting, you name it, I was pretty convinced I was completely crap at it.  Despite the amazingly happy feedback I received from my clients, I was completely convinced that everything I did was hopeless.  I stopped paying bills, just couldn't keep up with our budget, my house became a mess and we were completely disorganised.  I started to work out why but was not willing to give into it.

It was that black-dog-bitch.  Depression, or more accurately in my case - PTSD. I knew she was coming back to haunt me in all her gloomy nastiness but I was convinced it wasn't going to beat me.  I mean, how could it?  I'm now a volunteer speaker for Road Trauma Support Services. I talk about my stuff all the time and I'm FINE right?  I ignored my flashbacks, my nightmares etc.  I accepted my hypervigilence as being a caring mother and figured that I was tense because I wasn't doing enough yoga.  Sigh.  If I just got more sleep and got on top of my workload I'd be perfectly fine right.  WRONG.

In short around May, I had a nervous breakdown of sorts.  A complete, maybe my worst, PTSD regression ever.  Whilst denying it was coming back, I worked as the photographer for Fatality Free Friday which meant I was photographing ambassador Bev Brock,  race car driver Mark Winterbottom and Police Deputy Commissioner Kieran Walshe.  The day was well received and I met some beautiful people and I thought that having the courage to face it all meant I was on the mend.

I mean really....do I look stressed?

I was feeling pretty ace to be in the middle of the city contributing to a couse that I feel SO passionate about.  I was stoked.  For a while.  Truth is that after I finished, I had one of the worst panic and anxiety attacks of my life.  I literally had to stop at a servo on the way home where I was frozen, unable to get back into my car because I was terrified of getting back on the road.  I kept telling myself I was fine and in control.  I love my car, I'm okay.  But my legs WOULD NOT MOVE.

I eventually got home tired and shaky and ready to "get over it" but that attack scared me so I asked my GP to up my anti-depressant dose as it wasn't working as well.  I'd been on Lexapro for over three years as it cleared the "fog" that I get and helped with nightmares etc.  I'd be fine after that right? Of course! Heck I even did a police press conference for the Queen's Birthday long weekend telling Australia about my accident in front of media from every major news group in the state.....and I was FINE.

Local people recognized me which was a little awkward I guess but they were all so kind.  In fact everyone was so kind from the media, to police, to anyone and everyone.  It was um...surreal.

This meant I was good right? Err no.

I made it through the birthdays of both of my babies with Alex turning 12 (eh am I THAT old?) and Madeleine turning nine.

I didn't really feel present at either of their birthdays but i did my best because I was determined to stomp on that black dog bitch.  It didn't work.  It overwhelmed me and my full-on nightmares and flashbacks returned with a vengeance.  My whole household has suffered and I was close to suicidal.  I knew I had to do SOMETHING for the sake of my family if nothing else.  I just wanted to lay down and let it consume me so it would end.  Please.

My GP was my saviour and thankfully so were my kids.  Knowing that they need me well has been the main motivation for my continued need to fight.  Without them I'd have given up by now. I was referred to a specialist trauma psychologist who then referred me to a psychiatrist.  Yep a psychiatrist OMG.  Only CRAZY people need psychiatrists right? Ugh so humiliating but it's been good.

He moved me to Pristiq, a different kind of anti-depressant.  To be honest the change has been SHIT.  I've felt like it's doing NOTHING but I'm on quite a high dose now and little by little I feel like I'm coming back.  I've even ventured out with the family to the Aquarium in Melbourne a little while ago.  Felt like a total space cadet but no-one needed to know I guess....

It was really hard to stay present but again, my kids have forced me to make the effort just by their being.

I'm not doing any more talks for a while, and just staying focussed on protecting me and getting well.

My psychologist has helped me uncover so many things about me that I didn't know and it's been interesting.  It's not been pleasant but it's been cathartic.  We haven't started on the intense work yet as I have to be emotionally stable.  I'm working on it.  She encouraged me to delve back into creating art so Nathan and I worked to create me a designated art space.

It's just mine.  My space.  My desk and workspace have just been in our lounge in a shared space but this, this little corner is MINE.  So far I've created these...

Which led me to finding the courage to exhibit.  It may only be in a show organised by the TAC but it's in the divine Geelong Gallery and it's a non-threatening start.  I feel like I'm "home" when I paint or draw and I can express things through art that I can't through words. 

The exhibition opening was the perfect excuse for time in Geelong too.  I don't get there now that both of my grandparents have passed but it's one of my favourite places in the world.  It's filled with many of my happiest memories from being a small child until now.  I feel at peace in Geelong and it was just what I needed.  I took Madeleine with me and we had a girl's night starting with the exhibition opening and then staying in a multi storey hotel.  I've never seen her so excited and she just kept hugging me and saying thankyou!   So cute and a reminder of what's important.

It was also an amazing experience to see my work in a "real" gallery again after not being in one for almost 20 years and also to listen quietly to what people said.  My piece had the desired effect if what I overheard people say is anything to go by.  Viewers can vote on their favourites and pieces are for sale, all there until September 4th.  I don't expect to win a prize but hey, it'd be nice :)

The day after the exhibition opening, I was able to take Maddy to the Fairy Park in Anakie.  I was really unwell with a stupid flu-virus and feeling spacey from my anti-D drugs but we still had a lovely time :)

We took the super-duper long way home and went on a bit of an adventure, fabric shopping and just enjoying the one-on-one time together. 

I can't wait for my dissociation to be resolved.  I had no idea the way I felt had a NAME, let alone WHY I feel this way.  I do now and know that it's peaking as it did this weekend away.  It's the pits.  Really.  At least I know why I always feel like I don't belong and feel spacey.  It sucks and I had no idea it is a PTSD symptom.  I just thought I was vague :-S  It's hard to enjoy anything, I just get all kind of quiet - bah!

There is good news now, I'm feeling like my cylinders are starting to re-fire.  I feel like I'm over the hump - well some of it anyway.  I feel motivated to continue to create art and capture amazing memories for people. I even have some work on display at Tea-Lite in Warragul, the hippest little nook to relax in EVER!!!

I have something else on the burner too but I'm not teaching scrapbooking anymore.  I was recently accused by a "friend" of refusing to teach for her store but then teaching at someone else's and that wasn't the damn case at all.  I didn't get to explain, I didn't get to say it was just the occasional one when they, who are FRIENDS of mine got stuck.  The bit that makes me saddest is that I upset her without even meaning to.  It's that bullshit side of the scrapbooking industry that has now burned me one too many times now, I'm over it.  I love sharing what I know but the politics behind it really are crap so I'm stepping out of it completely.  I'll still scrap, but just for me.  Sick of the shit that goes on between women who are meant to be supporting each other.  I don't need that "you did this" bullshit.  Ugh....luckily the last shop I taught for have the same attitude as me and don't cause me any issue but I still want out...

My focus now is on my family, my babies who are growing way too fast and make me prouder and prouder each and every day. They also make me want to knock their heads together at some stage each and every day but that's motherhood right?  My Alex got into an advanced curriculum program for high school next year (yes WTF? High School) and Maddy has some seriously awesome Maths and Reading skills.  I'm so lucky.  Mind you they've had an endless line of cold after virus after bug and seem to be home ALL the flipping time :(  I've just started them on Echinacea, Anti-biotics, pro-biotics, vitamins, fruit etc you name it, it's time they get well.  It'd probably help if parent's stopped sending their sick kids to school spreading germs but that is another whole gripey post...

I'm focussing on getting well myself and trying to make amends for the dumb things I've done during my breakdown.  Bills are caught up, upcoming wedding shoots are sorted, editing all almost finished and I'm booking LOTS of weddings for next season.  BRING IT ON!  I love it!

If you read this far and stayed with me thanks.  If you're empathetic towards me, quadruple thanks.  If you're judging me because I have an emotional illness, kindly leave and may the door knock you on the way out.

So here's to my recovery and may my blog be regularly updated!  Cheers!

There's still time to enter....

....because my girl was too busy to draw a winner for the Logitech giveaway today. :)

She's going to do it after school today.

So there's still time to enter - see the post below!!

Luck (..or my lack of)

I have had a really nasty run of luck over the last 6 weeks or so.  Not sure what I've done to annoy the Universe of late but it's been one thing after another which I'd love to go into right now but don't want to taint this exact post BECAUSE I have a giveaway!!!!!

The lovely people at Logitech sent me one of their sexy new limited edition patterned mice to try and to review.

I agreed because frankly I love stuff for free and also because you KNOW I'll tell you the truth about it good or bad.

Sooo they sent me the Black Fleur (2nd from right).  Nice.  Personally Red Tendrils (2nd from left) is more my thing but I'm not complaining, I think they're all hot looking!

So when it arrived I reluctantly plugged in the USB plug thingy, popped in the battery and prepared myself for another crappy cordless mouse that jolts and jumps all over the place.  I got ready to write here that they look ace but their functionality sucks but I was WRONG!

Far out brussell spout, this wee spunky mouse is FASTER in responding than my old corded one AND it has a huge reach.  I use dual monitors on my computer, often watching a DVD on one and editing on the other.  Well I can stand back at my ironing board and use my mouse which is quite a bit away.

I taught a photography class where I was sitting at the opposite end of a huge table.  I borrowed my son's laptop to show examples in my class.  I'm awful with laptop mousepad thingos so took the little USB plug and new cordless mouse to the class AND I was able to place the laptop closer to my students yet control it from much further away than I thought I could.  Bliss.

So in celebration of this fabulous new product, the lovely people at Logitech have one of these yummy mice to give away to one of my readers.

All of us work hard and we love our PCs and Macs and we DESERVE a cuter than cute addition to our desktops.  To win this mouse (valued at $69.95) leave me a comment telling me how I can put an end to my run of bad luck, or what I can do to feel on the improve.  If you've been a reader of my blog, you'll know I'm pretty optimistic most of the time but I can tell you now, it's waning.  Help me chase that pessimism away.  Please.  I'll get Maddy to draw it as per usual.

Oh and if you don't win you can buy one of these babies at Officeworks, Harvey Norman, JB Hi-Fi, DSE, The Good Guys, Big W, Bing Lee, WoW Sight and Sound (QLD) and other good retailers.  And you can check them out here

Winner will be drawn on Monday March 14th. :)

First wedding for 2011...

...and far out it was HOT!  The heat was humid but the morning wasn't SO bad.  Aren't those shoes to die for?  So gorgeous!!

 By lunchtime the temperature was climbing. I had my fingers crossed that all the girls' makeup would stay put. :)

This ceremony was at Montsalvat which is a little piece of Heaven situated in Eltham Victoria.  Oooh it is such a DIVINE location, I really wished my family was there to share it's beauty.

 

The ceremony was beautiful with the bride's Mum singing, and the Groom's mum reading from a Dr Seuss book.  It was so special, absolutely perfect :)

This setting is a photographer's dream.

The heat was oppressive for not only me, but especially for the bride and groom.  I could have photographed these guys ALL day were it not for time contstraints and the heat.  I think it was worth climbing into the furnace that was the attic to get these :)

Despite how sweaty they must have been feeling, everyone made the most of the gorgeous surroundings and really, a most beautiful day...

Thanks guys for being such good sports and for sharing your amazing wedding with me :)

Drenched

Oooh everything is wet dammit.

We have had torrential rains and flooding - sigh...the back of our house flooded but we were home to save as much as we could.  Our landlord had hosed the roof when he repainted it recently and blocked the damn downpipes :( Not happy.

I have lots of pics to blog from the floods but I just wanted to quickly share this with you.  We had a little visitor here last night.  We have no idea where he or she came from but our first indication was Madeleine screaming that she could see a snake on the front verandah.  She could only see it's little head and neck and it would have looked like a snake!

Poor little thing, must have been scared with us four plus another four people who were visiting all looking at it! We were scared to leave it on it's own in case it wandered onto the road so we stashed it safely in a tub with snails to eat overnight.

After much family discussion about whether we'd take it to a reptile rescuer or not we voted to take it to the wetlands down the road from us.

The rains were SO heavy and much of the parkland was flooded quite deeply..

This is where I go walking.  There's a track under here somewhere..

We thought it was a nice place to release our new friend who was understandably very scared...

All four of us stood staring at this little turtle, getting drenched, watching our new friend...

We waited, watching, getting wetter and wetter until a little head popped out of it's shell...

We gave up waiting for it to go anywhere after that..we were freezing and wet through.

We're pretty sure it's found a good home by now :)

Stay dry everyone, take care...

And the winner is....

Untitled from Nic Finlayson on Vimeo.

Apologies for the delay.

Congratulations girl, I'll get this to you soon!